I may be 29 years old, but I still go through growth spurts. I am learning how to spot them on the horizon. There is a general sense of dissatisfaction within me, stirring up thoughts of whether or not I am making the choices I want to make, living the life I want to live. Before a growth spurt, I feel unsettled, ill-at-ease, and uncomfortable in my own skin. Much like the muscle aches that signaled a physical growth spurt when I was younger, my spirit begins to ache within me.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve begun to feel the emotional and spiritual tremors signaling that something more is approaching. The past week in particular has been rife with the discomfort which hints at the arrival of new growth. Likening myself to the beet seeds I recently planted in my garden, I’m germinating. I don’t know how it is for my beet seeds, but my personal germination is not really very pleasant. I feel the pressure of becoming more building up inside me until it feels like it is pressing against my skin from the inside. I am too small right now to contain my future, so I must grow.
In order for germination and then growth to take place in a plant, internal and external conditions must both be right at the same time. So it is with me. My internal realizations and ideas are lining up with my external surroundings and situations to create an atmosphere of growth.
The realization that I need to release the things I am holding onto out of fear, laziness, or inertia helped me make some changes to my physical surroundings this week. I began culling my possessions and commitments, choosing those which really suit me as I am, not me as I think I should be. I began the process of clearing clutter from my home, my mind, and my schedule. Taking a break from the computer (and therefore the Internet and all its glories) on Friday freed up hours I then spent reading a book I know I will look back on as a life-changer. As an added bonus, the quiet thoughts standing shyly to the side awaiting their chance to speak up were given a voice since the noise that usually fills my head after perusing news stories and Facebook, reading and sending emails, and working on writing projects was absent. Following my own advice by putting a less-than-healthy relationship aside for awhile freed up an immense amount of mental energy, both immediate and residual, and opened my eyes to what is really important to me in this moment.
I am preparing for something. I have no idea what it is. But all the signs, all the discomfort, all the crawling out of my skin feelings are pointing in the direction of growth spurt. I am definitely excited. I am a little bit nervous. I think I am ready.